But even though I'm super tired and am fighting off either tonsillitis or strep... Oh gosh. There goes the baby. He has not been a good faller-asleeper. He's ok once he's actually asleep but it takes SO many tries. He likes to fake me out by sleeping for three minutes and then screaming at the top of his lungs. I'm not really sure how to solve this problem, or if it's even a problem with a solution. If there's one thing I've learned after having three kids it's that sometimes you just gotta wait it out. It may take days, weeks or even months, but babies and kids change so frequently that most of the time it's just a waiting game.
See? There. He fell back asleep. He only cried for 45 seconds and was out again. If I'd have picked him up, I would've been trying to get him back down for the next 10-15 minutes. It's just a waiting game! We'll see if it sticks though. The little trickster, he sometimes likes to fake me out a few times before he's out for the night.
Not that he sleeps through the night, because he doesn't. But again, I can google every method there is but sometimes it's just the luck of the draw. Heavenly Father likes to send me non-sleepers. I tried every trick anyone ever gave me with Jonah and he still didn't sleep through the night until 10 months old. Millie took about 17. I tried everything I could think of and then one night, something must've clicked because she's been a champion sleeper ever since. (knock on wood)
So I'm thinking I still have a few months before I can start to stress over Tuck's sleeping habits. I can wait that long.
I've actually been thinking a lot about waiting. I commissioned this print from a friend to remind me to quit waiting and start living.
I don't know if it's necessarily helping that much, but it's a good reminder. I'm so obsessed with the future that I'm probably beyond help. Maybe it's some version of the 7 year itch, but Kade and I have been married for 6.5 years and it still doesn't feel like we're real adults. Sure, yeah, we have three kids. Whatever. We want the salary and the house and the backyard and bikes and the dog and the picket fence and the ketchup fights and the tickling... Oh sorry, I've been re-binging The Office on Netflix. But still, we want all the grown up stuff! Even if it comes with a mortgage and the student loan payments. Being in school forever is like... the worst. But it's a means to an end, and it's a really good end, so I guess I can wait.
Plus, I get sad because once we have all that stuff, Jones starts kindergarten. Which I think will be so good for him because he CRAVES stimulation of any and every kind. He is the most social person I know, besides Kade. He loves to be around people and play and learn and all the things school will bring - but I'm sad that he won't be little anymore. As soon as we have all the grown up stuff, we get the text anxiety, the bullies, the cliques, the frustration of learning harder and harder things. Millie won't have her best bud around all day, and I think that'll be really rough for her. We won't be able to go to the zoo or the science museum on a whim. I'll have to deal with school pick-up lines (which I don't really know a whole lot about but I hear they're terrible). Or I'll have to stress about sending my tiny kid off to school on a huge old bus full of both little and big kids who can say and do whatever as long as the bus driver doesn't notice (this was my experience).
So I keep waiting and waiting for better days to come, but will they even be better? Or will they just be different? Are these really the best days?
These are the days when Jonah and Millie spend hours running up and down the hill gathering sticks to add to their "collection." These are the days that we spend eating popsicles on the grass under the cherry tree. The days we watch through the window as summer storms gather and lightning breaks the sky. The nights Tucker falls asleep in my arms out on the deck, listening to the lullaby of the cicadas in the trees.
I guess one day I'll really miss these days after all.
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