How to Go Back // Some Dumb Thoughts

Even though I would love to end up back at my hometown (can you call it a hometown if you only lived there 10 years?), I always find myself weirdly embarrassed when I run in to people I used to know there. And I have a few theories why:

1. I was a terrible little wretch of a child.
Seriously, if I had to teach myself in primary or sunday school, I would have been talking to my parents non stop about what a little turd I was and how they needed to come to class and hold my hand each week. But even thinking about the times when I wasn't terrible, I was obnoxious as heck. Bless the hearts of my teachers and leaders that didn't think I wouldn't amount to anything.

2. They know too much
I always get the feeling that whenever I run into someone that knew my family really well while we lived there is thinking either, "I know a lot about your family that you don't know," or "I wonder if you're old enough to have figured out stuff by now." Maybe it's just because I'm a naturally paranoid person, but there's also a good chance that it's true. But sometimes when I see that face they make as they ponder those questions to themselves, I wonder if what they think they know is actually the truth. Or you know, they could just be experiencing indigestion. Who's to say.

3. When you think about it, we've never really met
I was 17 when I moved, which means out of the ten years I lived there I was probably about six different people. An annoying little girl, a temperamental preteen, a geeky homeschooler, a self-centered high schooler, a boy-crazed fast-paced know-it-all teenager, a dramatic emotional child of divorce. I mean, nobody that I run into from my hometown really knows me now. The person I've settled into, the adult me. So it's like those times when you start talking to someone familiar, but you don't know from where - and it's just awkward and you each would rather just move on to the next thing.


So I don't know. I would not complain if Kade and I ended up settling there, because I love love love the location. But would it just be awkward interactions for the rest of my life? I feel like, because I am a totally different person, they would be wondering why I was so quiet and nervous instead of the boisterous and loud kid I was. I guess after a few years things would level out.

I don't know, sounds dumb. Sounds like a stupid reservation when its a place I would love for my kids to grow up in. Time to stop thinking about it maybe.