It was a secret I didn't even know I wanted to keep, but a secret I figured out I needed to keep if I wanted a chance to fit in around here. A secret I didn't realize wouldn't be okay to share because I had friends and family back home who loved me unconditionally in spite of it. But last night when I was invited to a "girl's night" amongst new potential friends, the dreaded question came up - and it was like my whole world came crashing down around me.
"Are you a runner?"
This was it - the moment I had been dreading. The moment I had tried to avoid for two and a half months - I was exposed!
I sat there on the end of the couch with that "deer in the headlights" look as I tried frantically to come up with a half-true, half-acceptable answer.
"Yeah, occassionally" (lie)
"It's been a little while" (like, 8 years)
"Not really as much since I've been pregnant" (with Jonah)
"Not yet, but I've been wanting to get into it" (cough, cough...)
I finally stammered out an "uuuuhhhh...." and admitted to running track in 9th grade. "...and that's about the extent of my running career."
Boy, you guys, I can't describe to you the overwhelming combination of relief and fear that flooded into me at that exact moment. I no longer had to hold onto my secret anymore - however, I might be soon ostracized from the Winston Salem 1st ward community, because literally every single person I've talked to so far has a membership to "the Y" (which, for you Utahns, is not BYU but the YMCA, which I always thought was a place for homeless men to sleep and shower but is actually a string of gyms).
No, seriously. EVERYONE goes to the Y.
And half of those people teach at the Y.
I didn't plan on coming out this soon, but it is what it is. And now I have a choice: never show my face in church again or wave my banner from the rooftops and OWN IT.
Or, you know, join the Y.
No comments:
Post a Comment