SAIVD is what happens to me when I am around people I don't know - or people I do know but am trying to impress. Well, perhaps not impress but at least not look stupid in front of. Here's what SAIVD sounds like (maybe you'll recognize it):
"Hey, what time do you know is it?"
"Excuse me, can I just get passed around by you - sorry?"
"Yeah, totally let's play a plandate for soontime"
(no, these are not things I've actually said - but they're close. the things I have said have been wiped from my memory because they are much too painful to replay repeatedly as I'm trying to fall asleep at night - which would undoubtedly happen)*
Of close relation to SAIVD is another disorder I seem to suffer from, which is Sudden Unintentional Verbal Omission Syndrome, or SUVOS. This disorder makes me sound a lot like a bad actor portraying a Native American in an old western:
"When are meeting at park?"
"I don't know how people run long"
"I love dress, so pretty on you. Where you get?"
(again, not actual things said but scarily close)
Interestingly enough, I have not always suffered from these two afflictions. In fact, there was a long period of my life when I was content to simply not speak much at all, for fear of developing the disorders. It is only recently that I have been suffering from SAIVD and SUVOS - as I have realized that it is either try to appear moderately charismatic to others or stay in my apartment alone, day by day, speaking toddler and slowly melting into a giant, sad, puddle of loneliness.
Of course, however, I do know that most people refer to my condition as "Introvertedness," but I choose to reject that title because, well, duh - those are the people who prefer jammies over jeans, serenity over soirees, and Gossip Girl over actually gossiping with actual people. Hmm... now that I think about it, yes. I'm pretty introverted.
But I'm trying not to be! I'm pushing myself to smile more genuinely and make eye contact and give out compliments like I got 'em to spare. I'm tired of people telling me, "You know, when I first met you I thought you were a total snob." because that has happened, a lot.
Anyway, I'm so glad that I finally have a label for my idiosyncrasies. I can now blame the general population's lack of awareness whenever anyone looks at me like I've lost my mind! Now, when I make a fool out of myself in front of people I'm trying to befriend I can just apologize and say, "Sorry, darn SAIVD/SUVOS. What were we talking about again?"
And I guess if I wanted to make things real convincing I could carry a thing of Tic-Tacs around with the label peeled off. Every time I can't speak English I just pop up the top and - while carefully concealing the square shape of the container - shake one or two white Tic-Tacs into my mouth.
And YES. I'd rather people wonder if I am addicted to prescription drugs than wonder why I can't just calm the heck down and talk normally.
*Ok, Ok. I thought of a real-life example. Yesterday one of the girls in the ward was asking me about the ward Halloween party, and for what felt like at least eight minutes I stumbled over the words, "costume contest." Instead of just throwing in the towel after the first three mess-ups, I kept going. Why?! "Con...contume costest" "Costume contemst...constest" "Cos...contestume contest" etc...
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