What Am I Counting Down To?

Today nearly broke me.

It was the fourth day in a row Kade would go to school at 9am, and not be home until 8 or 9pm. The kids had valentine candy and chips for lunch, and while I was busy with other things helped themselves to the rest of the bananas (that I bought yesterday) and a few apples. And I only know this because as I was following them around cleaning up their messes, the candy wrappers gradually turned into chewed up apple chunks and pieces of stepped on banana smashed into the carpet. They drew all over the new ottoman cover I sewed 6 days ago, and I have no idea when and didn't notice until after they'd gone to bed - thus missing the opportunity to punish them justly. They broke almost every piece of the new sidewalk chalk I got them earlier this week when the sun was shining and warm and winter seemed like it would end eventually after all.

And guys, one of the things no one tells you about having kids is that if you leave your dental floss within reach, you will always, always find it strewn throughout the house. Meaning that when you need it urgently, like after eating pork or popcorn, the container will always be empty.

Thankfully, Kade came home and took over right before I exploded. He put the kids to bed while I took off for some much needed and long awaited personal time at a friend's baby shower. And on my way there I realized that I'm always counting down the days until something. I was counting down the days until this baby shower so I could get a little break. I've been counting down to the end of this week when Kade's schedule will calm down a little for heck's sake. I'm counting down to the end of the semester, to the end of school altogether - it's not too far away. But the thing is, I'm always counting down to something.

But, what else am I counting down to without realizing it? When I climb out of the proverbial pit of runny noses, dirty diapers and filthy dishes that is motherhood, I can see that my life is pretty dang good. My kids are healthy, and adorable to boot. My husband works hard and is well on his way to successfully completing a doctorate degree. We've never had to go without the basic necessities of life, and we've been able to enjoy some fun extras. We have a nice place to live, we have two dependable vehicles, we have clothes and toys and Netflix. The snow has melted and the temperature is tolerable lately, and the humpday of winter has already passed. Things are pretty good as they are right now. Yet all too often, I'm still counting days. And while I'm counting down the days until graduation, it's entirely possible I'm counting down the days until the next broken bone, or major car repair.