What a Ride

Everyone would always tell me what to expect of parenthood while I was pregnant. They always said it's the worst and the best, the most terrifying but the most exciting, the most exhausting but the most energizing, the most thankless but the most rewarding job a person could ever have.
And I guess I should have taken that more seriously.

They also told me to never expect anything to go according to plan, because most often they won't.
I should have taken that seriously as well.

Take this past Thursday. Kade got himself an invite to the Jazz game, where he and his friend got to sit on the fifteenth row. I was super excited for him, but also excited for myself because I made plans to spend the evening at my mom's house, where there were several people who would hold my baby while I took a five hour nap.
That was my plan anyway--Jonah had something else in mind.

I don't know if he was homesick, or actual sick, or could sense my level of exhaustion and decided to see how far he could push me, but that kid did nothing but scream all. night. long.
Consequently, nobody wanted to hold him.

So while everyone watched a movie downstairs, I went upstairs into my mom's bedroom to see if I could calm Jones down, see if I could figure out just what in the world was so wrong with him.
And while I was holding him, bouncing him, and singing to him fruitlessly, out of frustration I told him I was about ready to give him up for adoption.

(which did nothing to calm him down, might I add...)

I wasn't really serious, but I was really tired. And I thought when will this be worth it, again?
Then this happened:

After two straight hours of crying, he had finally fallen asleep, snuggled right up to me. And I realized  


oh, right. right now.


There's something extremely gratifying in the fact that nobody can calm him down like I can. That no one is as familiar to him as me. That even though eventually he'll grow up and want to be around anyone but me, I'm the one he wants now.


It's a good thing that feeling was so strong in that moment, because the very second the back of his head brushed against his bouncy chair, he was up and screaming again.
And the whole process started all over. But this time I had a clearer picture of what came after the low point on this coaster--feeling on top of the world.



* This is all despite the fact that I'm pretty sure the only reason he was crying all night is because Kade was gone. While he was home Jonah was as pleasant as pie, but right after he left for the Jazz game he cried and cried and cried and cried and cried (like I mentioned) up until Kade got home. That little stinker.